The day your sibling enters into the ‘blessed’ state of wedlock is one of joy, disappointment, and – depending on your own penchant for taking the vows – acceptance or rebuttal. The final feelings stem from your response to a barrage of clichéd questions asked by excited guests that aim to determine your state of mind to the impending, inevitable betrothal one day, leaving you more tired than the strains of being the host. So, you either welcome the hints and suggestions since marriage is part of the long-term plan, choosing to acknowledge straightaway or reply with the standard “not now”, or neatly sidestep the issue with a “we’ll see”, having rejected the notion unspoken. Of course, you can also adopt a confrontationist stance by saying “I have no intention of marrying”, thus raising a hornet’s nest and leaving the guests aghast; but you would want to do that only if you had nothing better to do than to get involved in a lengthy debate on the merits of matrimony.
The institution of marriage has long been regarded universally as a double-edged sword – the amount of literature (serious and comic) on the ‘before and after marriage’ topic is testament to the fact. Despite this, people are generally keen on getting married. Every culture has differing views and traditions, though the concept of the need to formalize a relationship between two people is common to all. In India, the most typical justification is ‘to settle down’ in life – a person to share your next phase of existence with, after which you buy a house, have children and repeat the cycle of life. It is only natural, is the opinion of the wise. When humans have changed and bent every rule of nature to suit their requirements, why the hypocrisy? It is ironic that people desire stability, but then seem to tire of the resulting monotony after a while. It is because of the societal structure and our web of complex emotions that we tend to get entangled in these matters.
I now carry the tag of ‘eligible bachelor’, and it is not unsurprising which question I am most often asked. My parents have an especially tough time of it; they also need to provide a reasonable explanation for my lack of interest in the topic, in addition to patiently hearing advice from all quarters. I am sure once I exit the ‘suitable period’, proposals will cease to a trickle from the current torrent. Ideas will start then floating around on why I didn’t get hitched – “Perhaps he had a medical problem”, “He must be in a relationship with someone”, “Maybe his sexual orientation is different”, etc. I understand the anxiety of well-wishers to see me take the oft-trodden path to happiness, but is that the only route available to reach the destination? I am neither against marriage nor am I a misogynist, but at the moment I feel no need to marry someone for the heck of it. Unfortunately, this is misconstrued as stubbornness or showing disrespect, neither of which is the case.
All said and done, times have changed and on account of the plethora of choices available today, there is a flexibility to take decisions. The final choice needs to be left to the individual; time will tell if it was right or wrong. Life is full of colour, we cannot categorize it into black and white. I sign off with some free advice of my own:
To those about to get married – Enjoy the ride.
To those who are thinking about it – Take your time.